I have been a YES-er for my whole life. I would say yes to everyone even if I was exhausted, did not want to or did not have the time. Saying ‘no’ is a real struggle for me, but it is a word I am slowly becoming more and more comfortable with.
And here is what I’ve learnt so far…
Why can’t we just say no?
The constant need to say ‘yes’ to everyone and everything stems from a deep rooted fear of rejection. Ah yes the ego will tell you that you must say ‘yes’ because saying no in unloving. But if there is any sense of ickiness when you say ‘yes’ – I promise you this is not coming from a place of love. We all want to be accepted and loved – that is human nature. We are fearful that if we say ‘no’ that this person will no longer love us. You can be loving and still say no! In fact sometimes saying no IS the most loving response.
Top 3 reasons why being is YES-er is not serving anyone:
We all have that one person in our life who constantly needs us and without question we are there for them. But this may not always be the best thing for them or for you. Check in with yourself and ask if this person is in a victim mentally, without judging them just become aware. If they are in a constant victim mentally then chances are your YES-es are enabling them. It may be difficult to start saying no to them and believe me they will try and make you feel guilty. However, the best thing you can do for them is to say no and do so in a loving way. This will also stop you from a build up of frustration that will eventually explode upon them one day when they ask for something. It is tricky because we often get caught in the trap that they need saving and we are the only ones that can do it. This may be hard to hear – but if this is you then you are coming from your ego and not from a place of love. Because it feels good for us to think that we are the only ones who can save them. Friends or family who are stuck in victim mode need you to stop enabling them and once they realise that you are not at their beck and call they will quickly learn how to do things for themselves. Be careful not judge them and send them love and light – but stop saying ‘yes’!
You are not being authentic if you say ‘yes’ when you really mean no! You are only doing yourself a disservice. Be real with people. They may not like the answer but they will respect you for being authentic. And if a person reacts negatively to your ‘no’ – stay strong and firm in your authentic truth. This is an act of self love and once you quieten the ego you will feel much more peace saying ‘no’.
3. Being of service
If you say ‘yes’ to something that you really don’t want to do then it seems unlikely you will give 100% to that person or that situation. And if you do push yourself to give 100% while cursing the person or situation in your head that is equally as harmful. If you can’t give 100% to someone or something then you are better of saying no because you are not being of service. By doing this you can ensure that you can give 100% and be of service to others when you say ‘yes’.
So next time you are asked to do something – stop for a minute and tune into your gut reaction. If it feels right then say ‘yes’ but if you feel any discomfort you should probably say ‘no’. Don’t forget that you do not have to give an answer straight away. Tell the person that you will get back to them – that is perfectly ok! And lastly remember – ‘no’ IS a complete sentence.
I would love the hear your experiences!
Do you struggle with saying no? Are you a recovering YES-er?
Please feel free to share anything that comes up for you.
I hope this serves you.
Choose peace. Choose love. Choose light.