Why do we shut up when we should be speaking up?
One word: FEAR
Fear of being rejected. Fear of not being loved. Fear of being judged.
Gabby Bernstein says that fear is simply False Evidence Appearing Real. Our ego creates a story in our mind that replays over and over until we actually start to believe it.
If I say no then that person will no longer love me.
If I share my feelings then that person will judge me.
If I share my burdens then that person will reject me.
Don’t be afraid to tell someone how you really feel or when they have hurt you.
I recently opened up to a dear friend and shared something that had been bothering me for quite some time (to be honest almost a year!). My ego had created quite a strong story and in my mind I was sure I would be judged and rejected. When we are hurt and upset and hold onto it, our ego is very good at tapping into this and convincing us that it is easier to bottle it up rather than share it and feel the (perceived) pain of rejection, judgment or being unloved.
Of course after many months of bottling up my emotions they came bubbling to the surface and I exploded. I knew that I could no longer deny my feelings and the (perceived) pain of sharing this with my friend couldn’t be much worse than bottling it up was making me feel. So eventually I sat down with my friend and to my surprise she sat and listened to me and acknowledge how I felt. There was no judgment or rejection, just sharing and understanding. Once I opened up and shared my feelings I felt like a tonne had been lifted off my shoulders.
Upon reflection I realised I had been too afraid to share my feelings because I was worried that my friend would reject me or not love me anymore. But of course this didn’t happen! My ego had planted a tiny mad idea that if I shared my feelings that I would be rejected. The more time went on the more I started to believe the story and the harder it became to open up. And while I thought I was protecting myself from the perceived pain of rejection, I was really hurting myself and our friendship even more.
Don’t be afraid to share with your nearest and dearest what is really going on with you.
I learnt this lesson first hand dealing with chronic illness the past year. Until I landed in hospital, no one around me really knew how unwell I really was. I told family and friends briefly what was going on but I never shared how much I was truly struggling because I didn’t want to burden anyone with my ‘problems’. Sound familiar? But I have learnt that family and friends are there to support and lift us up through the hard times. We are not burdening them by sharing our struggles but rather we are giving them the opportunity to be there for us. Relationships work on giving and taking, and sometimes we need to accept the help and support and not struggle through it all alone.
“I surrender my fear and tune in to the voice of love” – Gabby Bernstein
We cannot fear speaking our truth because we are worried that we will be rejected, judged or unloved. People respect us more when we speak our truth. Being open and honest with the ones that we love actually strengthens our relationships. When we share from a place of love the situation will resolve itself.
When we don’t speak our truth we are not being loving to ourselves and we are judging ourselves. We are unconsciously saying that our feelings are not valid or worthy. But once you acknowledge your feelings, you allow yourself to truly feel them and once you feel them then you can move through them.
How many times have you been afraid to speak your truth to someone and when you eventually have it turned out ok? My guess is about 9 out of 10 times it has worked out for the best, albeit it differently than you imagined.
So let yourself off the hook. Share you burden with someone you love. Speak your truth and own it!
Choose peace. Choose love. Choose light.